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Greetings:

Here's another one from Pat Duncan:

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Airline Communication

I'm not trying to scare anyone here, but while you're sitting calmly in your seat sipping the 3rd or 4th drink to "relax" ya, thinking all is right with the world, your pilot is conversing with various and sundry people. These
samples were gathered from various sources all over the Net, and while I cannot vouch for the validity of any of them, trust me, these kinda things do happen all the time. This is a collection of conversations both of commercial
and private piloted aircraft.

Pilot: "Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes ?"

Reply: "SouthWest 923, be advised, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here."

Pilot: "Approach, what's our sequence ?"

Reply: Aircraft calling for the sequence, I missed your call sign, but if I find out what it is, you're last.

Pilot: "Approach, United 346, you want us to turn right to 090?"

Reply: "No, I want your brother to turn; just do it and don't argue"

Pilot: "Approach, TWA 525, what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?"

Reply: What makes you think it's your altitude Captain ?"

Pilot: "Approach, where's the tower?"

Reply: "It's that big tall building with glass all around it"

Tower: "PW345, are you a Cessna?

Pilot: "No... I am a male hispanic"

Pilot: "How far behind traffic are we?

Reply: "Three miles"

Pilot: "That doesn't look like three miles to us !"

Reply: "You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you... that's three miles"

Ground Control: "United 423, see the DC9 in front and to your right, follow him, taxi to runway 9."

Pilot: "United 423, roger"

Pilot: (A little while later) "Ah... ground? That DC9 you told us to follow just pulled into a gate... got any other suggestions?"

Approach Control: "SouthWest 437 you're cleared for landing on Runway 17" =20

Pilot: "Uh... Be advised, we're on the ground heading for the gate"

Approach Control: "Nice going, Captain!"

Pilot: "Jones tower, Cessna JW345, student pilot, I am out of fuel"

Tower: "Roger Cessna JW345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!"

Pilot: "Uh... tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

Control: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots"

Pilot: "Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fur ya"

Control: (a few moments later): "AF1733, traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots"

Pilot: "AF one-seven and a thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"

Control: (a few moments later): "AF1733, you are three miles to touchdown, traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"

Pilot: (more than a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed* of this here C-130 is ?" *

Control: (a few moments later): "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he may be able to tell ya"

Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, aircraft on runway"

Student Pilot: "Roger" (Continues descent)

Tower : "Aircraft, I say again, go around"

Student Pilot: "Roger" (Continues descent)=20

Tower : (Screaming) "AIRCRAFT, GO AROUND!!"

Student Pilot: "Roger" (Still continues descent and lands) The student pilot then, taxies up to where the waiting plane is sitting in the middle of the runway, goes around it, and continues on to the taxiway.

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• RE: Airline Communication,andor, 18:08z, 08-24-01

LOL there DEFINATELY is hope for me again... here I am thinking I am the only one totally confused by ATC
Regards Andyc